I saw this post on Instagram that said something to the effect of: “being single and independent sucked”. Enraged, I immediately unfollowed the woman who posted it because it did not align with my beliefs.Then, I thought about it, “geez, there may be a misconception that Black women or women in general enjoy being strong, single and independent. Someone may feel like they, we, don’t need love or companionship.” Then, I thought dang, “do I really like being single and independent or am I just accepting my current portion?” I had to be real with myself.
misconception– noun| a view or opinion that is incorrect because it is based on faulty thinking or understanding.
It is 4:07 am on a Thursday morning, and I can’t sleep. This happens to me often. Typically when my spirit wakes me in the wee hours of the morning its because I have a poem that needs to be written, or something on my mind that won’t allow me to sleep. Tonight/today it is the latter. I started thinking about that post; then, I was led to turn on my laptop.
Why did I get so upset? Is it because the idea is valid, but I don’t want to accept it? I am kept up this morning because well, yes the post does had some validity. I am coming up on a year of single-hood, and it has been pretty cool. I am free. I have been free to heal. I have been free to explore myself. I have been free to learn new things about myself and the world. I have developed a deep passionate love for myself. I have been free to grow and bloom according to God’s will. I have been able to focus my excess energy and thoughts on my relationship with God(1 Corinthians 7:34).Best of all, I can eat whenever and whatever I want to….I mention that because I don’t know what happens when we get in relationships and all of a sudden we are programmed to only eat with BAE (i.e I wonder what BAE wants to eat tonight, or I wonder what’s BAE bringing to eat). Yet, in this season of my life, I have grown into such unwavering peace, I am often almost brought to tears of joy, for I have never had this much faith in God. I have never had this much patience. I was never able to surrender and submit to my Lord and root myself with the discipline necessary to please him/her. It’s a beautiful renewal. NONETHELESS, even in this peace, I seldom long for companionship.
Break it down, B:
The funny part is no matter how peaceful I become, no matter what level of growth and evolution I incur, my human desire to build and “mate” with a like-minded, equally yoked individual is not removed. No matter how busy I am being awesome, loneliness does not stop from itching my heart. Do I feel whole? Complete? Successful? Yes, yet longing could care less.One thing about it is, God knows my desires, and s/he has promised to give me the desires of my heart IN DUE TIME (See fact #2).
The difference between the me now and the me before is: this me has standards. This me, trusts God and God’s timing whole heartedly. This me does not dwell on the longing, or try to take matters into my own hands because this me recognizes, if my plan is not aligned with God’s plan then my actions will reach a demise, so why bother? I rather not set myself up to waste energy. This me wants a love that will sustain. This me understands the only way to achieve my true desires and destiny is to be patient and trust what is already written. In doing that, this me, understands God’s time does not look like mine. This me, however, does focus on unfolding and nurturing what is under my control right now.
It is funny though, just as I reach an understanding about longing, my best friend texts me out of the blue excited to tell me she has just set me on a date with a young activist in divinity school. This gentleman is giving me a young Martin Caremicheal mash-up. I don’t know where this is going, nor am I suggesting this act is significant. The spontaneity of it all makes me giggle,though, because I know God works in mysterious ways. In my single-hood I had the space to learn that in addition to liking “my Negro nose with Jackson 5 nostrils,” I long for a companion who contains the submission to creator equivalent to a genuine pastor, the curiosity of a scholar, the compassion of an artist, the strength of an effective king, the energy of a warrior, and the consistency of the sun. Only God can create such a being suited for a strong, independent woman such as myself, so until s/he is ready for my husband to find me, I’se be chillin’, unfollowing people who disrupt my peace, and finally going to bed literally as well as figuratively because I am offificially putting this internal conflict to rest. After all, it is a school night.
- The creator has a plan.
- Patience is a virtue.
- Strong, independent women need love too.
Say: I take delight in the Lord.
“The secret of life is to have no fear; it’s the only way to function.”- Stokely Caremicheal
be lite. Work your talents. together we can spark a light pandemic.