Question: your friend is wearing something horrific, right, right. Do you A. tell her about it or B. not say a word because you don’t want to hurt her feelings” Think about it. Second scenario: you are in a relationship and your partner is bothering or confusing or draining you, but you love them Do you A. tell them about it or B. continue to suffer so you won’t hurt their feelings?
honesty-noun| the quality of being honest
honest-adjective|free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere
The truth is the old me would have picked B. for the first question, and unfortunately I would have picked B for the second as well. I used to be one of those people who believed in sparring the feelings of others even if it meant suffering internally. In the past, if telling the truth meant hurting the feelings of or causing confrontation with others, I’d often let it ride. In my past relationships, I used to hold my tongue. I used to literally grin and bare the harsh and offensive actions and/or comments of others just to avoid confrontation. I would carry the entire burden of hurtful words or actions someone performed against me. There was a time, at my first job I would pile on all of the work and all the responsibilities in this environment in order to please others. I, however, suffered. This behavior infiltrated with family. Many hurtful things has been said by the people whom I was related to by blood, and yet I would not tell my truth. I would not share my pain.
To make matters worse, my pain came out in other ways. I would lash out for reasons beyond what really had me hurt in the current moment. I would bring up hurtful situations from the past huge time periods later, yet it no longer mattered. For the most part, I allowed many people, boyfriends, friends, family members, bosses, and co-workers to walk all over me in silence. No one would ever knew my true sensitivities.
So why did I do this? Well for starters I did not love myself enough or think of myself as worthy enough to desire better treatment. Two, I was afraid of confrontation. Three, I did not want to hurt feelings. The problem with those circumstances is I was hurting while my offenders had no idea of my feelings and therefore continued to repeat the same offenses. Love was not home, yet.
Break it down, B:
On the contrary, on this new self-love ride I’m on, I realize that my behavior in the past was wrong, and honesty is truly the best policy. Honesty is an important proponent of self-love. In retrospect, I realized that I brought on a lot of suffering because I did not love myself enough to defend, me, by expressing pain caused by unfair or rough treatment. I was not honest with my ex-boyfriends about the draining and suffocating they had caused me. I was not honest with my family members when shit went down. I was not honest with my friends when they did or said things that made me uncomfortable. Most importantly I was not honest with myself. I merely only said what I thought people wanted to hear. I did not speak my truth. I made other people’s feelings matter more than my own. My actions were wrong because I now realize, if I don’t speak up for me, no one will, and my truth will turn into a heavy burden on my heart and my soul, or worse turn into sickness, for spiritual health and physically health are connected.
With all that said, if you love yourself enough, you will speak your truth. You will scream if someone is hurting you. You will stand-up for your own well-being. You will advocate on your own behalf because you will act on your worth. I had to learn to love myself is to use my voice, even if it is uncomfortable. Speak the truth no matter the matter or else one will continue to suffer and the victimizing party will assume everything is okay. Also, as a representative of the creator, we are the purveyors of truth, even if we are condemned by others, for that is the obligation of an apostle to spread the messages of love, light, joy, and truth without fear. (Matthew 28: 19-20) This work, however, begins with love of self, and honesty is a supportive component of that said love.
- Honesty is the best policy.
- If you don’t advocate for yourself no one will.
- People can’t grow if they don’t know.
Say: I will speak my truth.
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
-Zora Neale Hurston
Salute: Forgive me ya’ll I’ve been collecting all the pollen for the Bey Hive lately.
be light. Work your talents. Together we can spark a light pandemic.