“Remember those walls I built, well baby they’re tumbling down” *Cues Oh something Beyonce* Seriously, I know I want to be a wife, right. Not necessarily because of the romantic comedies and social conditioning, but because I’ve always wanted to build an empire with a strong man worthy of my partnership. Little did I know, the foundation of this said empire would be love. Love is great in the commercial sense–especially around February. In reality, love can be difficult–this we don’t talk about. We post all the #MCM and #WCW and #BAE pictures, right. Yet, we don’t talk about the push, pull, the communication, the growth, the selflessness, the intimacy, the messy, down right dirty components of growing in love. We don’t talk about the arduous task of breaking down walls when you are a woman who has her heart guarded in a stainless steal, fire and water proof safe, next to a glock nine , underneath a grenade, surrounded by an alligator inhabited moat, within the land mines hidden around the circumference.
1. verb |watch over in order to protect or control.
2. noun| a person who keeps watch, especially a soldier or other person formally assigned to protect a person or to control access to a place.
All my life I had to fight on the love battle field. If I wasn’t fighting personally, I saw my mothers fight. I heard stories of my grandmothers battles. I saw my closest friends fight. And if I dig deep enough, I can probably remember fighting in past lives. All of this fighting taught me a few things: guard with your left and swing with your right, develop skin so thick, you are mistaken for an oak tree, and lastly if they don’t know you or are close to you, they cannot hurt you. Unfortunately, these quips will not help me or my partner build the loving relationship I desire or deserve. The only solution is to let down my guard, release my grip, and free myself wholly and completely from the past that is not the present. Sure–that sounds lovely in theory. The wind whispers, “let go of the past,” “he’s not them,” but my muscle memory is not feeling the hype. Thankfully, faith lives to work out the kinks.
Break it Down, B:
You want to know something. In real life when the bible says “take delight in the lord” and he will give you the desires of your heart,”(Psalm 37:4) it is meant as truth. They didn’t just add it in there because it sounded good, its literally the Gospel. Because as soon as me and the lordt got on the same page, my hearts desire manifested. Little did I know, I would have to mature in ways I was not prepared to in order to enjoy these desires. The truth is when I initially received my desire, I was afraid. I was afraid I’d be hurt again because my other experiences taught me to believe being hurt was my portion, but the devil is a liar, and here’s why.
Love is the best thing this world has to offer. While love is not always easy, it is beautiful and pure, and when it happens free from fear, debris, and guards, love can manifest miracles and spiritual revelations beyond this world. An open heart has the power to conjure God in the most magnificent ways. We need more of it. In my experience the rare occasions where I let my guard down and allowed my Shnuggah Wuggah a peak at my hearts contents, magic happened and my appreciation for God, him, life and humanity grew at the same rate the Grinch’s grew right before he gave Christmas back. Yet and still, in order for us to fully enjoy and embrace genuine love, I/we must have faith in love–which is the impetus for the creator.
Faith has never been tangible.(2 Corinthians 5:7) Faith has never been an item one can purchase on rollback. One simply has to believe in the fact the creator leads us to glory. One simply has to know in her heart, mind, and spirit God’s promises not to leave nor forsake are true, and this task is easier when we keep an open heart. Lastly, in the event the relationship does not end up the way we desire, we must have faith in our strength to overcome as we, our friends, our mothers, and grandmothers have before.
In a journal complete the following:
- List and explain all of your relationship fears.
- Write out an best case scenario for your relationship.
- Then, write a brief prayer asking God for the strength to love with an open heart.
- (Optional) Burn this page with sage, keep it in your journal, or put it in a sacred place.
Download the worksheet below:
***Disclaimer, this post does not apply to relationships with fuck boys. (Get out girl!)***
“The transformative power of love is the foundation of all meaningful social change.” -Bell Hooks
- Love is the light, soil, and water necessary for growth.
- God ain’t never gonna go anywhere as long as your acknowledge him/her.
- Psalms 37: 4 is real. Stay woke.
Salute: YO, this song hit home the other night.
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