Hey, Ya’ll, What’s up. I’m a new mom and I’m blessed to have a wonderful partner to share in the delight of going half on my son. But let’s keep it hot, us women, we have the nurturing children gene down pact. Men have to build their muscle a little. Nonetheless, I find sometimes partnering up when it come to raising children can be challenging for a myriad of reasons. Lack of understanding, patience, and difference of opinions can often cause quarrels between partners when raising children together which in turn causes strains in relationships. But think about it though, as a mom, you already have the mommy-ing nurturing game on lock which may cause you to shut down outside efforts from your man, so in this post I offer 6 ways to support your man as a father, so you won’t go crazy.
Give Support- verb| give (someone) support. To “support” someone means that you help them. It can also mean that you will help them if they need help
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As I said before, I am a new mom. My little shnuggle bug is 6 months old and I love him to pieces. Because I love him to pieces, I find myself being over protective and overbearing at times in my mothering practice. What can I say, nurturing my baby comes easy to me, so I can the tendency to just provide the baby with his needs and not think twice about it, until I feel like my partner is not.
But wait? I think, did I give him the opportunity. And two, when I do calm down my overbearing nature and make space for him to do his Daddy thing, internal I sometimes feel some kind of way when he does not do things they way I would do them. For instance, when I feed the baby baby food, there’s no big mess, but when his Daddy feed’s him its everywhere. It’s a very small thing, but it got me thinking, “Do I support my man as a father as he actively works to father our son?
As I said before, nurturing children comes easy for women. I can’t say if nature set it up this way or if patriarchal environment we live in did, either way, I want to be sure I am supporting my man in fathering our son as well as cheering for him in the process in the same way he does for me. Because in essence, I am really proud and blessed to have him here willing, ready, and excited to be the best father he can be.
Break it down, B:
We are millennial women, hear us roar. And that’s excellent. We have a tendency to want to do everything ourselves, and its great that we can, but on the same token, the fact we have men in our lives that want to help raise the children is a huge blessing. Seeing as mass incarceration, systemic oppression and racism, and other unnamed nuances have kept men, especially black men from fathering to the best of their abilities before, I find it even more important to celebrate and take it easy on the father’s that show up lovingly ready to help raise their children.
So, I’ve had to learn to get out of the way some time and show support to the father of my child. After all, we are both learning and growing as parents together. With that, I offer 6 ways to support your man as a father.
6 ways to support your man as a Father
- Listen to his ideas with an open heart. I know it seems simple, but you know how we do. A lot of times as women, we make up our minds about how we feel about something before it even comes out of our partner’s mouths. That’s not fair though. I gather we listen to his ideas about doing something as well as his concerns with love. The open heart will allow us to be more receptive to the ideas, and it will also help guide our responses with love.
- Consider his perspective and upbringing. Everyone was not raised the same. Just about no one shares the same perspective, or outlook, or background. The same sentiment applies to couples attempting to raise a child. So while you may see some thing one way, your partner may see it another surely based on the respective perspectives and upbringing. Therefore, it’s imperative to be mindful of the way interact and treat the other party. Consider the perspective and upbringing when trying to understand why your partner feels or acts about a matter the way he does. Considering that perspective and upbringing will help you identify and connect which will essentially strengthen your relationship.
- Trust he has the best intentions. I can’t emphasize this one enough, and I understand sis. I understand. You just want to do, so you can ensure it gets done correctly. You are prompted to just handle all things baby because you know what you are capable of, but that’s not fair to your partner. Nor, will it help your man grow. Nor, will it help you both grow together as parents. That said, when its time for your man do something for or with baby trust him. He has the best intentions in mind. Remember that’s why you got with him in the first place, so trust he is the man you fell in love with and know him to be.
- Praise his efforts. As I said before, good father’s are hard to come by. Furthermore, I feel like this generation of man are excited to be better fathers than their’s have ever been which is a small step for our families, but a giant step for our communities. That said, we have to make sure we show our support by praising and encouraging the effort our men make at being present fathers. It’s a blessing, after all. There is no better way to show love than to praise.
- Give him the opportunity to do his daddy thing. Sis, I know it’s easier for you to do it all, but your man won’t grow that way. Furthermore, he won’t be able to build his confidence up, if he never has the opportunity to show up. So, let him change a diaper or two. Let him give the baby a bath. Let him dress the baby. Give him the space and opportunity to grow in his fatherhood. Remember you are not alone, and share the load.
- Be patient and kind. I don’t know about ya’ll but the p-word is a curse word to my spirituality. LOL I’ve been working on being patient since I was born. Nonetheless, patience is a virtue, and it is one you will need to have for yourself and your man. Be patient with him. He’s learning and growing just like you. Be patience with yourself. After all you are a mom and you have the ability to nurture your babies and do it well, but you have learning and growing to do as well. It’s all good. Take your time and be kind along the way.
Thinking back to those days after m C-Section when we were in the hospital, there is no way I would have been able to heal properly and take care of the baby if it were not for my man. Thinking back to those first few weeks at home with our newborn, if it were not for my man, I would have been in constant pain while trying to nurture a newborn. His help and presence made everything easier. Thinking about now, his presence makes my son happy and gives me a much needed break.
Together we are not only building a strong, happy, and healthy son, but we are building a strong family. While I sometimes have the urge to do it all, I’m so grateful that he want let me because he’s a great man like that. That said, the least I can do is support his efforts. After all being a good father means as much to him as being a good mother means to me, and that reason alone is enough to support your man as a father. By doing so, you will be strengthening your bond as a couple. (Ephesians 4: 2-3)
“I’ve always tried to make sure what I do really connects with the broader agenda of what my husband is trying to do.”–Michelle Obama
- Parenting is hard.
- Partnering doesn’t have to be.
- Patience and kindness are keys to strengthening a bond.
Thank you for reading! It means the world to me!
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