In a recent post, I began a series called “7 Ways to Appreciate Where you are in Life Now.” And you know what, I noticed that often times us blogger like to vaguely describe the steps without actually unpacking the how. But ya’ll know me. I’m a former teacher, so I have to break this thing all the way on down. That said, today I’m going to explain HOW to forgive others in order to appreciate where you are now. Leggo.
Forgive-verb|stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
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Well now, I’m going to keep it real with ya’ll. I am in a new space this season. I’m super focused on growing my business, maintaining a healthy and happy relationship with my man, and continuing to raise a healthy and happy baby. All these things seem easy enough, but the gag is when you are burden with negative things, such as anger, resentment, pain, and otherwise, you can’t show up to the positive as your best self. Thus leading me to this topic to begin with–how to appreciate where you are in life now.
I notice I have a tendency to be on the verge of soaring in some way, then something triggers a pang in my mind and or heart, and now I’m no good. My mind runs rampant, and my ability to focus on the the things that are important are debilitated for I don’t know how long. It’s a very sucky process. I hope I’m not alone in this. No worries though because it is my truth. And it was a truth that held me back from enjoying so many wonderful moments in the now.
So I prayed and prayed and talked to God about his issue. I remember asking God to truly help heal those spaces that was burdened with negative feelings and memories, so I could fully enjoy my present. I mean I went in on this prayer. After all, tricks of the mind are only the enemies, so I had to fight fire with fire, and pray hard. I said something like God, stop these thoughts in their tracks. Diminish and destroy any loose thoughts that does not reflect the path of peace and prosperity that I am currently on.
I noticed after a while the thoughts would come up, but when they did, so did the source. When I was able to uncover source of those feelings, I recognized I had not forgiven those folks who happened to be the source of my feelings. I had not used love to address those issues, instead I covered them with anger. Anger turned into fear, fear turned into resentment. All of those things turned into distractions from current peace and joy.
Break it down, B:
I don’t know if you noticed it lady, but the word forgive, is an action word. Meaning one has to actively work to forgive, or stop feeling the way. I know this seems difficult to do, because it is. I held on to so many feelings for a long time. After a while, holding on to things was the only way I knew how to be. Yet, holding on hindered me from my greatness.
Imagine being in a rocket ship designed to shoot out of the atmosphere to swim in the stars. Imagine. That’s me on dreams. And yet, every time I attempted to get in my rocket and breakthrough the earth’s atmosphere, a strong gravitational pull yanked my little ass right back to the ground like a snapped rubber band. See, that illustration is exactly what happens when we don’t actively forgive. Forgiveness is not exclusive to lovers, ladies, family members, friends, co-worker, shit this society as a whole is not exempt from forgiveness. Not for them, but for you, so you can enjoy the life God has blessed you with now.
So, after my prayer, the thoughts came back up, I’m not going to hold ya’ll. They did. This time. I realized, I was still angry about some of the moments that I kept rehashing in my mind. When I realized I was still angry, I knew I had to forgive immediately. And no, I did not contact these folks, that would be too much. I simply thought to myself, “now how can I still be mad at a person who was young and had no clue,” “I can understand why they did such and such they’ve been through such and such, so I’m going to drop it,” or my personal favorite, “God, I ask that you heal so and so, so they such and such”
And you know what happened when I redirected my thinking from anger to love, I literally felt the burdens lifting from my spirit one by one. As the negative feelings and thoughts came in, as they always did, so did my understanding, compassion, and active forgiveness.
At this point, I can honestly say, I don’t think about those things any more. I can’t even remember the last time I was plagued and burdened by old anger.
How to Forgive Others WITH FAITH
Ultimately, sis, I can’t tell you what to do. I don’t know your story specifically. Your work to forgive might require more or less than the steps I took. Yet, what I do know, is that it is essential to you living a full and happy life that do you take some action towards actively forgive. Or else the lack of forgiveness will burden you with resentment, unexplained anger, and unlawful bitterness, and these little pests will in fact hinder your love life, business life, career life, and personal life because these feelings will rear themselves at inconvenient times. Any who below I explain how to forgive others, or the steps I took to do so.
- Recognize the patterns of the feelings. Think about it. Reflect on when these thoughts or feelings occur. How often? Are they common? Does it stem from the same situation or moment in your life? If so recognize the patterns, so you can understand the source, or root of the feeling.
- Pray and ask God for help. At the end and beginning of the day, some matters–most matters–we can’t resolve on our own. Thank God, for God because we can lean on him to help us slay the giants that are too big for us. Because your full and happy life is important, you’ll need spiritual back up to unbound anything that threatens it.
- Be honest with yourself. These thoughts pop up on whims. There’s something about it that needs to be addressed by you. That said, I had to ask myself why do I keep thinking about this? Then, I had to get serious about my true feelings about the situations that needed to be resolved.
- Call for backup. Once I realized why I was holding on to things, I had to ask God, to help relieve me of the burden once I could identify it. I did this by asking God to help the other people involved, or simple to help me move on from thinking about the matter. Either way, it was with God, I was able to gather the compassion and strength to forgive and love instead.
- Let it go. Choose your happy and full life of peace and prosperity instead of the old mess. Understand that not actively forgiving, is also asking for distractions from your purpose and God’s plan for your life.
I found that forgiveness is truly the answer to many mental and physical ailments and hardened hearts. I found such to be true in this bible story. So I was reading Mathew chapter 9, and learned that Jesus healed a paralytic by empowering him the power to forgive. After receiving that authority, as a man, bruh was then able to rise as Jesus had told him to. And he was healed. He was able to walk. Originally his body was burdened with disease. In this brief passage Jesus did not lay hands on him, he didn’t pull out any holy oils–he simply said,”your sins are forgiven”, and gave him the authority to also forgive. At that moment he as good again. I understand this passage to be a perfect illustration for the power of forgiveness.
Do you want to soar? Want to enjoy the life you are living with the upmost happiness and fullness? Forgiving the things that burden can be an active step you take. After all, when we hold on to things, we end up carrying them into the now as distracting burdens. Who has time for that? Flip the perspective sis. Forgive, shine, and thrive.
And it was then I knew that the healingAn excerpt from the poem, Forgiveness, by Alice Walker
of all our wounds
that permits a promise of our return
at the end.
Free Write about the following: What are the negative feelings that burden your mind? What is the source? Why does it keep coming up? What is is that you need to say or feel in regards to this situation? Explain why it is important to forgive this person or situation.
Write out a detailed prayer asking God to help relieve you of this feeling, so you can be free from it.
- Self-love is work, but it’s worth it.
- Forgiveness gives you wings.
- You deserve to live a happy and full life.
Thanks for reading!
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