Let’s just jump right in to the next part of the “7 Ways to Appreciate Where You are in Life Now” series. We have a tendency, especially as Black women, to carry the burdens and the weight of others. Think about it. Maybe you’ve internalized your mother’s personal issues or your fathers. That’s baggage. Maybe you’ve seen the hardships others have had and declared that would not be your life. That’s baggage. Maybe you have a natural knack of trying to solve other people’s problems. That’s baggage. It may even be possible you feel guilty for not meeting someone’s expectations. Sis, thats baggage too. No worries though. Today on this blog post I am going to break down the effects of carrying that baggage , as well as, 4 ways to throw away baggage that isn’t yours to begin with. Keep reading, or go watch, sis. Your shine depends on it.
baggage- noun|past experiences or long-held ideas regarded as burdens and impediments.
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I’m going to keep it hot with you all, my faithful readers, whom I adore and appreciate with the upmost appreciate-ablity. I realized a while ago that I have a tendency to carry baggage. I mean heavy loads. Erykah Badu bag lady bags, honey. My back hurts and my bra is not tight bags. It was ridiculous. Without going too deep, my baggage stemmed from some things I saw when I grew up. I didn’t realize it until recently, that I had vowed to live life differently because of the things I saw and I did not like. That’s not a problem in actuality. Each generation should be better than the last.
Yet and still the problem arises when my quest to “do better” becomes held on hurt from past experiences that turn into burdens. Not even that. Relationships and the pain that followed didn’t just turn into cautionary tales I could used to make better decisions. Instead, they became fear and resistance to good opportunities to love and be loved.
Last, but certainly not least, all of those things some how translated into me bogging myself down with expectations I thought others had placed on me. I had to truly ask myself, do I strive so hard because it makes me happy or do I do it to prove something to someone else?
Break it down, B:
Either way, a better question is ” was I burden free and happy?” The answer. Was no. How can you be when you walk around with pain you inherited, fears you collected, and other’s guidelines for right and wrong.
So today sis, I’m here to say, if that’s you. Stop that right now. The answer, however, is to throw away that baggage.
The alternative is a happy-less life. The alternative is people with good intentions not being able to get close to you because you may not realize it, but a wall has been built. Ultimately, the effects of carrying baggage that is not yours are plenty. 1. You make decisions based on fear and not love. Because you fear undergoing what your mother or father did, you make decisions that in your mind will keep you safe. 2. The work you think you are doing to spite whatever baggage you watched play out in front of you, is actually slimming your opportunities for better. 3. The memory of the past or the pain you witnessed only fogs up your vision and appreciation for the present. It lingers like shadows and distracts from the shine of the sun. In essence, you can’t be your best self worrying about what someone else went through or fearing the things you went through in your past will reoccur in your present.
Simply put, if you want to fly, you have to give up the shit that ways you down. And that’s word to Toni Morrison.
4 Ways to Throw Away Baggage that isn’t yours to begin with
- Pray.You know here at Being Classic we don’t do anything without the Lord. We simply can’t, but once we put some serious prayer and fasting on the issue to empower our actions, there is nothing we can’t overcome.
- Recognize the Baggage. The baggage that hinders your walk in life is not new. Baggage claim doesn’t just pop out of no where when you are taking a walk in the park. In some ways we go towards it, but if we recognize those patterns and the roots, we can then discard them.
- Remind yourself these are not your problems. If you are one that has been in some way affected by what you’ve have seen happen to your parents, send yourself a gentle reminder that your life is your own. Sure, learn from the past, but don’t relive it by carrying it with you everywhere you go.
- Replace the the memories or the memories of the feelings with something new. I know it’s so easy to hold on things especially when we are comfortable. So simply saying, “oh forget about it” doesn’t work. Instead replace the bag with something better. For instance, if you bag is faulty relationships, replace it with the vision or remnants of a good one.
Throwing away the baggage is like taking of the filter of your picture–especially when it was taken in the good light. You know the light I’m talking about it. The lighting that makes your skin glow although you are not wearing highlighter. That’s the light. You don’t need a filter on those picture, but that baggage you carry, well, it becomes an unnecessary fog on the good things. On the good vision and picture that is already your life.
I just want to remind you, your mom’s troubles aren’t your own. Your family’s expectations of you and your life, aren’t your own. Someone else’s issue with how you live your life, how you turned out, the career you chose, and/or the babies you made, are not your own, so stop carrying them. If someone has a problem with the things you love and appreciate, let the issue be their burden to carry and theirs alone. Continue to live, love, smile, and be marry. That’s that on that. Okay. Okay. I have a little more to say. The sooner you let go of that baggage, the sooner you will be able to appreciate the gifts and blessings in your life. God got you, so there is no other reason to be concerned with anyone or anything else. (Proverbs 29:25) In the mean time, sis, throw away that baggage!
What things do you carry that you need to let go? Once you let them go, what can you replace them with?
“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
- Baggage weighs you down, so throw it away!
- Filters block the true glow.
- You were designed to thrive and shine.