It was a Wednesday evening, and I was tucked away in a less crowded corner of the food court, because germs. Quietly, I opened my quarter pounder with an extra slice of cheese. I felt victorious, after all, with my coupon, I got a medium drink and a medium fry for free. This was my moment. I bit into the burger, and it did not disappoint. The cheeseburger was juicy, flavorful, and all of the things I had anticipated it would be. For a short moment, I was free.
My sister in law to be was watching my baby, and my man was at the barbershop. In that moment, I did not have to worry about washing someone’s little hind parts, or looking after the needs of another. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by a stream of questions and concerns not two minutes into biting my burger. “Should I buy my sister in law to be some food?” “Did Langston eat?” “I shouldn’t just be thinking about myself.” “Could this money have been better spent elsewhere?” “I’ve probably been away from my son too long.” This was mom guilt. These are our stories, and so today, I’ll be sharing 3 Affirmations to combat mom guilt because, sis, you deserve to eat that burger in peace next time.
mom guilt- n. that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parenthealthline.com
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Firstly, I was headed to get my eyebrows threaded at the mall when I past the food court. There was a coupon burning a hole in my pocket. I had just got my hair done, and I was not happy with the outcome. So I thought, a nice fattening pick me up will do the job. I have the time today, so I proceeded to get my food, and found a nice space in the corner, an began to eat. It’s a true story when I say, I was in my own little heaven for about two minutes. I found myself just enjoying the quiet. Honestly, taking a breather from the hustle and bustle of life, mommyhood, and my other responsibilities.
Then, it hit me—mom guilt. Oh, it’s real. I’d felt it before. I sometimes question, “Am I working too much?” “Am I giving my son enough attention?” And all of the other questions we ask when we, for reasons unbeknownst to us, call into question our love for our children and our ability to mother them effectively. It was sickening as all get out.
I later told my man about how I was feeling. His reply was, “you should have enjoyed the burger. You work hard. Enjoy your life, man.” Smooth words from the man I love, and yet I still had to work out this mom guilt thing on my own. After all, my baby and everyone else was fine, the world was still spinning, and the sun and moon were still in the sky even though I took a moment for myself. Nonetheless, I came up with 3 affirmations to combat mom guilt for the next time a case like this arises, and here’s why.
break it down, B:
Watering is the act of pouring water over a plant, or something in order to encourage growth. This year, we are all about the growth. As always, we are trying to grow as women. We want to grow our marriages, children, careers, businesses, etc. Our plates are loaded most of the time, and we never cease to juggle many things at once. It’s cool. This is the life we chose and we are grateful.
The choice, however, does not lift the weight, so we must call into question our own watering–our own growth. If we are not also being watered, we can’t pour into the other things we wish to nurture.
How do we water ourselves? We water ourselves with self-love, self-preservation, self-care, self-advocacy, and moments when we just want to eat our cheeseburgers in peace. Seriously, those moments where we take a minute to breath and enjoy ourselves are necessary for our mental and spiritual health. There is no need to feel guilty about it although we do. The trick is, however, is to recognize that moms need love too. While it is your responsibility to make sure everyone and everything that you nurture is doing well, growing, and thriving, you’d be remised if you did not also water yourself. The bottom line is you cannot pour unto others, if you are not full within yourself.
That said, I have 3 affirmations to recall the next time the shady mom guilt beast comes to attack.
3 Affirmations to Combat Mom Guilt
- Get from thee Satan. I’m kidding. “I deserve to have my needs met too.” First of all, sis, you are not a mule, and you job is not to work yourself to the bone for other people day in and day out. Yes, raising children and homemaking is a full time job with unpaid overtime, but that does not mean you have to always be on the clock. Just as everyone that you take care of need things from you, you also need. Your needs deserved to be met for no reason at all and for the fact you love hard.
- “I need time to myself to be my best self.” If I said it once, I’ll say it 20 more times before this post is over. One cannot grow other things, if they themselves are depleted of energy and light. In the same respect, the sun could not warm us or provide us food if the fire was burned out, and neither can you. You cannot show up as the wonderful mom, wife, and boss you are when you are mentally, physically, or spiritually burned out. That said, remind yourself that you need your time. If it helps ease your mind, consider your self-care moments necessary to better take care of your babies.
- “There are enough hours in a day for me to take a few for my needs.” I know the old saying goes, “it’s not enough hours in the day.” That’s a lie and the truth is not in it. You put in hours for work, cooking, cleaning, empire building, and etc. You can use those same hours you put in for other things to ensure your wellness stays, well, well. The other things you need to do, will get done. It always does. In the meantime, take care of you.
sum it up.
Mom guilt can be a nasty beast, I won’t tell a lie. Just when you are enjoying yourself for a moment, it creeps in like:
Most importantly, when mom guilt does pop up, I hope the 3 affirmations to combat mom guilt I shared with you today will remind you mom guilt can only go as far as you allow it. Plus, you need time for yourself to better nurture your responsibilities. When mom guilt rears, remember–you deserve, you require, and you have the time. I urge you to take some time, rest, restore, talk to God.(Mark 6:31) Refill your strength, so you can go forth and be what you have been blessed to be.
- You cannot pour from an empty cup.
- Mom moments are self-care, born from self-love, and needed for self-preservation.
- You have the time to spend on yourself.
quotes to carry.
“We need to do a better job putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list,”Michelle Obama, Let Girls Learn event in 2016.
How can I weave in more moments to care for my needs?
Share your mom guilt stories below.
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